Draco Was Born That Way
by Rice-Ball247
Summary: Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy didn’t think anything was wrong when their son, Draco, had been born. Granted, he’d started bawling something that sounded suspiciously like ‘Ree-Ree’, instead of crying the normal, ear-splitting wail that most newborns do...DH


**Draco Was Born That Way**

**Rice-Ball247: **This was something I started a _LONG WHILE_ back and never got around to finishing. It started off funny (to me anyway), but then I lost the touch for it. But I wanted to get it out of the way. Probably one of my 'up for a rewrite somewhere a long the track in the very distant future' but meh.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Harry Potter or any affiliated characters. They are the work of J.K. Rowling and I make no profit. The excerpt is from a song called 'If You Were Gay' by Avenue Q.

**Warning: **AR-ish, crack-ish, mentioned mpreg, and fem/slashy (DM/HP, implied Lily (Malfoy) Potter/Rose W). Oh and a manipulative Grandpa Abraxas.

* * *

You were just born that way

And, as they say,

It's in your DNA

You're Gay!

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Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy didn't think anything was wrong when their son, Draco, had been born. Granted, he'd started bawling something that sounded suspiciously like 'Ree-Ree', instead of crying the normal, ear-splitting wail that most newborns do, but that just made them prouder of him, because he was _special_.

-

When Draco was one, someone had given him a pink shirt, instead of a blue one. Abraxas Malfoy may have been Draco's grandfather, but that didn't exempt him from the glares given by his son, Lucius. However, the glares soon turned to pride when Draco wobbled up onto his feet, walked over to Abraxas and said something that sounded akin to a 'thank you'. After all, Malfoys were fast developers and Draco was no exception. Draco wore the pink shirt with pride and was sure to hit anyone who laughed. Lucius and Narcissa didn't think anything was wrong.

-

When Draco was two, someone had given him a girl's doll, instead of the requested toy cars and robots that were given by plenty others. Narcissa looked rather miffed when Abraxas handed the doll to little Draco, but was soon a lot happier when the toddler thanked his grandfather and went off into a corner to play with his new doll, leaving all other presents behind. Lucius and Narcissa thought it was alright.

-

When Draco was three, someone had thought it was funny to put pink bows and rainbow clips in his hair. Lucius did not look pleased, but when Draco squealed with delight and hugged his grandfather, he decided that as long as Draco was happy, he was satisfied. Draco refused to take the hair ornaments off for the next week. Lucius and Narcissa thought it was endearing.

-

When Draco was four, someone had brought along one Blaise Zabini instead of a girl for a playmate. Narcissa grilled Abraxas as to why the little boy was at their home, but upon seeing Draco tentatively hold his hand out to the caramel-coloured boy, her heart melted on the inside. Draco shuffled his feet shyly and brought Blaise over to his special corner where he kept all his _dolls_. Blaise was amazed, but if he wondered why a boy had so many girly things, he didn't comment on it. Lucius and Narcissa were happy that Draco had found a new friend.

-

When Draco was five, someone had given him a tea-party set to amuse himself with. Lucius was infuriated when Abraxas came up with the excuse of being British and that tea was a custom, but when Draco pulled his father into a tiny chair around a tiny table, with all his doll-friends already seated and served, Lucius didn't have the heart to yell at anyone. Instead, he tentatively sipped at his sugar-water while Draco babbled on to Molly-Dolly about what dress he should wear to the prince's ball. Lucius didn't comment. Draco was happy. Lucius and Narcissa found it amusing.

-

When Draco was six, someone had decided to finally introduce him to a _girl_. Pansy Parkinson was around Draco's age, and despite being pug-faced, she was deemed polite in the eyes of the Malfoy's, therefore, _tolerable_ enough to play with Draco. Lucius was annoyed when Abraxas made a point to take away what minimal _male toys_ that Draco owned, replacing them with more dolls and an excuse that 'it only makes sense that they'd play with dolls because you must take Pansy's likes into consideration'. Seeing that the Parkinson's had then decided to form a possible future alliance with the Malfoy's, Lucius and Narcissa said nothing of it and instead planned for any future weddings (and hopefully, grandchildren). Naturally, Draco had no need for the 'girls are icky' stage since he considered girls to be good friends.

-

When Draco was seven, someone had decided to buy him books so that he may busy himself with reading at an early age (full-length novels at the age of seven were, of course, a Malfoy requirement). Narcissa was concerned when, instead of giving Draco 'manly' books, Abraxas had purchased novels and short stories of the Mills and Boon series (the type which Narcissa would have hid beneath her 'intimate apparel', so that no one would find them). She confronted her father-in-law about it, but when Draco began to show real talent for writing in such a charming manner for his age, she instead thanked Abraxas for 'enriching Draco's knowledge'. Abraxas also claimed that if Draco studied such sentimentalist stories, Draco would have a deeper understanding on how the female mind worked. Narcissa made no comment.

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When Draco was eight, he met Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle. The two were introduced to Draco in hopes that they would befriend each other (much to the chagrin of Abraxas), but of course, all Malfoy's needed mindless cronies to act as bodyguards in the future, so from a young age, Draco learned how to boss other people around. Abraxas was pleased when Draco decided to meet with his parents to complain about how 'utterly gross and plebeian' the two 'trolls' were. Lucius and Narcissa decided that it would be better for Draco to consider himself of a much higher standing (and therefore, superior) to the two 'trolls', so that Draco would not form any attachments to the two boys.

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When Draco was nine, someone had 'accidentally' mixed up some orders for new clothing and thus, Draco was to wear a pretty, pink dress for a day. Lucius was in rage over his father's senility, especially since Draco was in his last stage of being in 'single-digits' (of age) and would be growing up very soon. Draco, however, impressed them with his ladylike manner (despite how worrying that may have been) and the issue was forgotten the next day. What Lucius and Narcissa were unaware of, however, was that behind closed doors, Draco liked to take out the dress and walk around in his bedroom for hours on end. Abraxas, of course, made sure that no one interrupted his 'alone time'.

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When Draco turned ten, he was introduced to Lord Voldemort. According to Draco, the man was the 'freakiest person' he had ever had the misfortune of meeting (this was all said in the privacy of Malfoy Manor) and that Lucius should seriously rethink his loyalties. Concerned that he may be betrayed by his own son in the future, Lucius decided to encourage special 'bonding time' between himself, his Lord and his son. Lord Voldemort may have been an utter raving, blood-lusting lunatic, but even he showed a sense of humour when Draco commented on his utter lack of fashion sense. Draco was given a severe beating at home due to this comment, but at least Lucius knew that his son would know how to dress himself in the future. Abraxas made certain to hide the fashion magazines that may have been scattered around the manor.

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When Draco turned eleven, he received his first letter from Hogwarts. Lucius and Narcissa were overly pleased. Narcissa's first choice was Beauxbatons, but that was all the way in France. Draco had wanted to go to Durmstrang (Abraxas guessed it was because the boys over there were 'cool'), but his parents had agreed that it was too far away from home as well. Thus they settled for Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. No doubt that with Draco being a pureblood, he would easily rule the school. Draco may have not shown it, but according to Abraxas, he was practically spewing with delight when he had first run into Harry 'he's such a cutie' Potter. Lucius, of course, was not informed of this. Naturally, however, the 'Potter boy' had chosen to align himself with the blood traitors, a.k.a the Weasley's, thus creating the first rift between their son and the Boy-Who-Lived.

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When Draco was in his second year of Hogwarts, he complained to his father about requesting for new, high-performance brooms so that his Slytherin team may outfly the 'Gryffindorks' in Quidditch. Lucius was pleased with the healthy competitive streak that was forming in his son. Abraxas, however, knew there was something else beneath the desire to outmatch Harry 'he's a living God' Potter. Unfortunately that year, Abraxas contracted the Dragon Pox and did not live to see Draco return home from school.

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When Draco was in his third year of Hogwarts, he acquired a distinct dislike (read: absolute loathing) for 'Mudbloods'. These insults were saved for the lowest of the low. This was attributed to the fact that Hermione 'buckteeth' Granger was an utter know-it-all who was better off shoving her head down a urinal in case of 'brain leaks', and certainly _NOT_ because she was Harry 'he's so adorkable' Potter's best friend. Lucius was proud that Draco knew that he was superior to those with dirty blood. What Draco didn't tell them was that Harry was also, in a sense, with dirty blood, yet he didn't insult the Boy-Who-Lived with it. Draco also didn't tell them that Grandpa Abraxas had once told him that it wasn't nice to call boys that you liked by mean names.

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When Draco was in his fourth year of Hogwarts, he had his first wet dream. It was sticky and messy and he felt kinda gross the next morning (and upset as well, since it seemed like he had lost control of himself and losing control was certainly _not_ becoming of a Malfoy) but inside, he knew it felt nice and he wouldn't mind doing it again (mind, he hoped to be conscious when he was releasing the next time). Besides, Grandpa Abraxas had always told him that 'What a Malfoy wants, a Malfoy should get'. So for the first time in his life, Draco put his hands 'down there' and stroked his, according to Narcissa when talking to Lucius, 'dirty snake'. When Draco came, he hadn't realized what name he had called out subconsciously, so he went about his daily life as usual.

-

When Draco was in his fifth year of Hogwarts, he noticed that Harry 'still-too-short-for-his-age' Potter had been missing a lot. Realising that his life part—err, rival was probably up to no good, he took to stalking the boy wherever he went. Unfortunately for the naive Gryffindor, he didn't notice whenever he was being followed by his stal—Slytherin enemy. Draco couldn't describe the feeling of jealousy he felt when he caught his Potter kissing that stupid Cho Chang bint from Ravenclaw. So of course, he did the right thing (according to the Wise Words of Grandpa Abraxas) and dobbed them in. Serves them right!

-

When Draco was in his sixth year of Hogwarts, he did something really, REALLY naughty. He hurt his Harry. He didn't mean to, honest! But when word got around that the _stupid-fucking-ugly-Weaselette _had put her _filthy-mangy-disgusting _hands on _HIS Harry, _he couldn't resist himself and punched Harry 'I-swear-to-God-I'm-straight' right in the face. He would have preferred to punch Weaselette 'I-think-I'm-pretty-enough-for-Harry-freaking-Potter-and-I-swear-to-Merlin-he's-straight' Weasley, but Grandpa Abraxas always told him that it was bad to hurt girls. Besides, didn't he also tell Draco that pulling on the pigtails of the boy you secretly liked told them that you liked them? Mind, Harry didn't _have_ pigtails, but Draco was sure that hexes worked to the same effect... right?

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When Draco was in his seventh and final year at Hogwarts, he was caught in the middle of a gigantic battle of epic proportions between He-Who-Has-No-Fashion-Sense and He-Who-Still-Has-No-Fashion-Sense-Even-Though-Draco-Told-Him-So-When-He-Was-Ten. He thought that Harry 'I-Have-A-Hero-Complex-Siriusly' Potter would have learned by now, but honestly, that boy was so dense it was painful! Anyway, so there was epic battle of gigantic proportions, and of course, Draco's father, Lucius Malfoy, stood by Lord Voldemort's side whilst Narcissa was hidden away. Draco was told that one should always put family first, but then he remembered that Grandpa Abraxas always said: 'Listen to your heart', and technically, listening to Grandpa Abraxas was 'putting family first', right? Not to mention, Harry would one day be Draco's wife, therefore he had to make sure that said boy was alive for their wedding. He just didn't know it yet.

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When Draco turned eighteen, he tracked down Harry 'I'm-Sick-Of-The-Wizarding-World' Potter and proposed. Of course he was rejected.

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When Draco turned eighteen-and-a-half, he proposed to Harry 'Go-Away-Malfoy!' Potter again. Denied!

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When Draco turned eighteen-and-three-quarters, he proposed to Harry "for the final time, I promise!" Strangely enough, Harry 'I-am-reluctant-to-say-yes-but-will-say-yes-anyway' Potter said yes.

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When Draco turned nineteen, Harry 'I-hate-it-when-you-hyphenate-everything' Malfoy-Potter announced that he was pregnant.

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When Draco turned nineteen-and-four-fifths, he became a father to a beautiful little girl named Lillian. Lillian 'Lily' Malfoy-Potter was eight pounds and twenty-one inches. Draco and Harry Malfoy-Potter didn't think there was anything wrong with their daughter. Granted, she started bawling something that sounded suspiciously like 'Rosey-Rosey', instead of crying the normal, ear-splitting wail that most newborns do, but that just made them prouder of her, because she was _special_.

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**Rice-Ball247: **Okay, so maybe NOT crack in the way I wanted it to turn out, but you can tell that this wasn't one of my serious fics. Hope you enjoy it enough to leave a review, and see you at one of my (MUCH BETTER) updates!


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